Exactly.
And the problem is that when it occurs, the level far exceeds that of the distortion level.
I never got any of those, just very low volume peaks or silence.
I could be way off with this, but still coming back to my spark theory, could it be some sort of low voltage static electricity discharge between the pick and the strings?
Do you play with rubber sole shoes on? 
Do you play with rubber sole shoes on?
And does your hair stand up in a weird way when playing? 
And does your hair stand up in a weird way when playing?
Yeah it's a bit out there as theories go. 
But it's still in the realm of possibility. I can't really think of anything else that would produce an audible spike by just touching the strings with a pick.
Yeah it's a bit out there as theories go.
But it's still in the realm of possibility. I can't really think of anything else that would produce an audible spike by just touching the strings with a pick.
It's a good theory. Maybe it has something to do with something not being earthed properly in the Kemper? Or the guitar? But then again, wouldn't that be a constant? Or are you muting the strings after touching with a pick, thereby grounding the signal?
Nope.
Spikes occur whether i'm touching the knobs or not, meaning with the guitar either grounded or not.
I'm keeping my tin-foil hat handy, just in case
It's a good theory. Maybe it has something to do with something not being earthed properly in the Kemper? Or the guitar? But then again, wouldn't that be a constant? Or are you muting the strings after touching with a pick, thereby grounding the signal?
The problem with my idea is however how would the static charge instantly regenerate between the times you touch the strings, it should only happen once.
But a static charge creating a spark is a very real thing: http://youtu.be/tuZxFL9cGkI?t=52s (And this isn't just something I got out of YT video, I actually have qualification to work as a fire fighter on cruise ships).
But on further thought I can't believe it's the cause here since it happens on every first hit of the pick.
Yeah. It looks more like a crazy, bad driven noise gate/compressor transient 
Yeah. It looks more like a crazy, bad driven noise gate/compressor transient
I agree, but there's no noise gate or compressor turned on.
I hope CK investigates further.
I am not investigating. It's all known.
Video is not public so it cant be checked out....?
It sounds like you are hitting the pickup with A or low E string while you are muting.
