Hi Michael,
this indeed does justice to your song which was already impressive. It has drive, it has punch and it has lots of good music in it. Well done.
Now:
When I do mixes I always have my "precious" guitar sound in mind that did cost me quite a bunch and thus tend to loose perspective of the song as a whole which is more than just instruments and vocals. .
You could try to take down some of the mids between 150 - 250 Hz in the vocal track. Sometimes it's really worth while. I don't use an eq to do this but a multiband compressor where I lonly ower the band between these markers that are allright for my rather old voice and leave everything else flat. If it works at all you'll hear it at once. If you have already done it, skip my remarks!
Greetings Joachim.