Mistake #1 LOL OK, I'll "translate":
Guess myre brayn mustard bin 180 degrease bout of (the) phage*.
Guess my brain must've been 180 degrees out of phase.
Shows how wrong a simian can be; you can't be further from the mark than 180 degreasers.
Shows how wrong a monkey can be; you can't be more wrong than 180 degrees.
*Ref to Voyager.
Star Trek Voyager.
There was an horrific disease called the Phage, and I "joked" about having a "bout of the Phage". To have a bout of something is to suffer a disease, usually infection or the 'flu or something lille that.
Hope this helps. If it doesn't, it's definitely not your loss; it was way out there after all...