Musicians jokes

    Whats the difference between rock and jazz?


    jazz players play 3000 chords to 3 people whilst rock play 3 chords 3000 people.


    whats the difference between pop music, acting and a toilet?


    nothing..they both are fake and full of shit..


    whats the difference between folk music.....oh wait you cant there all alone..
    whats the difference between blues and child birth...it all starts well then shit load of complaining then ends well

    Year 2042, winter. World has been damaged in nuclear war. There are few survivors anyway, they were hidden in the huge bunker (around 36550m2), down under the recording studio in city of Warsaw/Poland. They have some radiation detectors, but they're going out of food and water now. One of the survivors has the map (paper version off course) of the bunker which shows the possible rooms with food, water and medicines...


    They throw the dice to select one of them, to check if there any any signs of life and possibility to move around. So the person selected takes the radiation detector and slowly opens the huge, massive door and sticks out his hand with the detector out of this door - after 5 seconds the detector shows 1.7 microSiverts/hour - safe...


    So they took their backpacks, 3 flashlights and 2 guns (in case of any danger) and left the room they've been hidden for the whole war period.


    The group of 6 people started to slowly explore the bunker. They were checking the rooms for sings of life, food, any other survivors.


    Nothing, it was dead quiet! So they just started to look at map trying to identify, where is this room, where the food&water may be stored. The map was indeed little damaged, dirty paper with unclear drawings. But somehow they managed to locate it on the map. In the meantime, battery in one of the flashlight went dead. So they started to rush. They divided into 2 groups, planning to approach the possible location from different sides...


    So just a moment before they were to divide one of the survivors started to hear strange noise. All of them concentrated. They located the sound somewhere at the other end of bunker. With the radiation detectors in hands they slowly approached the cryptic door. They slowly opened it and saw dim light and heard something like a diesel motor working.... It was the power generator working. Still after these years. They slowly moved inside and suddenly got shocked!!!!! On of the survivors dropped down the flashlight... What they saw was a man with a long beard, sitting behind the desk with the computer, along with the mess around, broken glass, rats going around and so...


    They approached him and asked him:

    - Who.... who are     you? What you're doing here?!


    He turned to them and answered


    - I'm skoczy.


    They replied.


    - But what you're doing here man??!!


    He replied.


    - I'm waiting for Kemper Rig Editor, they promised to release it soon.

    Edited 2 times, last by skoczy ().

    Like 5

    Here is an old one I wrote a while ago, I still got he amp ready to be profiled ;)



    Just found him on the top a bin, hanging aimlessly in the streets : I decided to go for an interview...


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    Hello , who are you ?


    I'm Kirk


    Hello Kirk where do you come from ?


    I'm a lonnnng way from home , I ended up on those street lately, but I come from Texas.


    Tell us about your story ...


    My father Ike raised me in a hard way , he took me on the roads as soon as
    I could stand up , at the age of 3. Ike was a beautiful 69' Blackface,
    with that shiny clothing,but he used to growl & drink maybe a bit
    too much, so I often had to finish his songs by myself. Eventually he
    died in a bar in New York beaten by this stupid punk that used to use
    him as a stand for his beers, the big spill ... electrical shock &
    transfo attack


    And what about your Mom ?


    ahhh Mommy , everybody called her 'the Big twins' If you know what I mean
    I remember this fabulous pair of 15" while she was breastfeeding me and
    also that unique red eye as she was staring at her baby, those were the
    years, before I was thrown on the road. She also died when I was 5
    during the cold war era, she didn't survived a tube transplant after a
    long career in soul music ( damned sovtek tubes !!!)

    And what about your condition now, you look tired ?


    Ahh man it's a long story , anyway here it is : Ike kept me as a backing on
    the road, we started in the 60's in Chicago where I learnt the hard
    rules of business (juke joints, booze) But we had the girls and loads
    of them Strats, teles, 335 all you can imagine : hey cutey are you ready for a ride ??? Yeah !!!


    And what about music ??


    Ah yeah, I learnt my first song in 61 ( you're nothing but a hound dog), I
    loved it then we started this long career through the sixties, with all
    those hippies and this acid trip I had back in 65 when I was seven year
    old, I was then plugged to this psychedelic device a fuzz face and this
    strange pedal, the Whoowhoo or somethin' , man I've seen the dark side
    of the moon during this trip, i think I might have lost a few caps
    during the ride, but I enjoyed every part of it. This was short after
    that the new era of punk laminated us , man, my father didn't make it
    as you know the sad story.


    I survived , I don't know how , maybe a story of glue sniffing to get back my tolex back
    Then I made my own way in the eighties as starter amp in the 80's. Man
    I've seen so much stairways and smokes on the water , that I cannot
    stand it anymore, I brake a fuse each time I hear those notes again


    Eventually some guy with dark clothes and hair all around his white face put me on
    chorus, I back-lined him on the same two notes for ten years then I had
    the most impressive experience in my life, I was once used as a foot
    stand during the recording of 'purple rain' by prince, I remember when I
    stood on me with his snake boots ( I lost my handle during the process,
    I had to wait till 2010 to get it back).


    What about your latests projects now ??


    I was thrown to the road once again last year this is why you fount me in
    the streets, alone with dogs pissing on me. My latest owner (some emo
    kid) upgraded to a valvestate park amp, can you imagine that, a PARK
    AMP !!!


    Man, I understand your rage ...


    Yeah for sure ... but I have a goal now, get an eternal life and get cryonigized, so I can retire.


    How that ?


    Don't you heard about this german tech ??


    Which one ??


    this one , the Kimper, the 'mercedes benz' of cryonigation, I'm sure you
    heard about it. You get 'blown' in every hole during the process but
    it's really worth it. Let me explain it to you, it's almost safe : they
    send you waves of fuzz flames in the face then you got this roller
    coaster ride in every frequency you can imagine, then you finally get
    processed by a pneumatic drill and you're done.

    Really ?


    Yes they put you in this little ash box for posterity and you get a
    beautiful tag, here is mine : 'Squier 15 sidekick cranked' sexy, huh ??

    Lionel Richie calls Adele to say "HELLO" :D


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    Acoust-tech Nerdicous Roxus

    Like 3

    that is so funny.
    I emailed this to a friend.
    and he forwarded it someone, I get an email from him.
    he said exactly the same "brilliant".
    I couldn't agree more.
    when he starts bopping his head playing Bass, in the Donna Summer Style, I laugh my head off!!!

    Acoust-tech Nerdicous Roxus